Send in the Clowns

29
APR
2015
OneSharpeGuy's picture

Ted Cruz formally announced his candidacy for President of the United States on March 23, 2015, after a weekend of promising and practicing to do so, thereby making him the first declared candidate in the 2016 Presidential race. During his announcement, he repeated his vow to "Repeal Obama-care, every word of it." Amazingly, just one day later, he announced that since his Stepford Wife, Heidi is taking a leave of absence from her job at Goldman Sachs and hence, losing her employer-sponsored health care plan, Ted Cruz will be enrolling in the very Obama-care he plans to repeal. In other words, Ted Cruz starts his campaign by saying parenthetically, don't believe anything I say, I don't believe any of this shit myself. Cruz also wants to abolish the IRS and establish a simple flat tax (but if he abolishes the IRS, who will administer this simple tax?)

Not to be outdone, Rand Paul announced his candidacy on April 7th, 2015.  Rand Paul, the Libertarian, who in his successful senate campaign, actually employed jack booted thugs who kick women in the head for expressing opposing views.  (For real, the guy was wearing tennis shoes, not jack boots, but that just sounded so good it was worth touting Godwin's Law).   Rand Paul, who put Savannah Guthrie in her place on national television, saying to his supporters, she ain't pulling that Candy Crowley shit on me.  Rand Paul, who uses Wikipedia as his primary news source.  Rand Paul, who wants to repeal the 1964 Civil Rights Act.

Marco Rubio officially announced his candidacy on April 13, 2015. Although Rubio has become something of the Right Wing Media darling, it would appear that his only true political accomplishment was to scare Charlie Chris out of the Republican Party and force him to run for the Senate as an independent, eventually loosing (horribly) to Marco Rubio.

Candidates not yet announced at the writing of this article, but expected to announce in the very near future are Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee.

Ben Carson was formerly the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital, though it would appear from the consistency and fluidity of most of his political statements, he somehow, in the course of his brain surgeon-hood, lobotomized himself.

Carly Fiorina, former head of  Hewlett-Packard, former executive at AT&T and Lucent Technologies, unsuccessfully challenged incumbent California Senator Barbara Boxer in 2010. Fiorina amazingly spent just short of a gazillion dollars of her own money, and yet surprisingly lost.

Mike Huckabee lost (big) to John McCain in the 2008 Republican primaries and has since become a Fox News commentator.  Huckabee, an ordained Southern Baptist minister, with his views on abortion, intelligent design, embryonic stem cell research, energy independence, gun control, immigration and LGBT issues, has the potential to return this country what it once was; an arctic region, covered with ice.

Not yet announced but forming exploratory committees:

Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey, who in one of the stupidest scandals in history, brought traffic to a halt in Fort Lee New Jersey, most likely in retaliation against Fort Lee's Mayor's refusal to endorse his 2013 gubernatorial election.

Lindsey Graham, U.S. Senator from South Carolina since 2003 and confirmed bachelor.

Piyush Jindal, Governor of Louisiana since 2008. Yeah, his name is Piyush, as a child, he had people start calling him "Bobby", because he identified with the youngest male member of "The Brady Bunch"

Rick Perry? Please.

Rick Man on Dog Santorum.  If Mitt Romney decides to jump back in the race, it could once again be Man on Dog vs. Dog on Car.

Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin since 2011. Union buster, Koch Brothers crony and selected Koch Brothers candidate.

The presidential election is still 19 months away, so technically plenty of time for more republican candidates to announce and climb aboard the clown car has that become the republican primary process, which begs the rhetorical question: How many clowns can you fit in that car?

In 2012, it was obvious to any serious republican candidate, that Barack Obama was most likely going to be elected to a second term, hence, no serious republican candidate wanted to run, because the fact is, America doesn't like losers.  Having lost to Obama, any serious candidate would have thereby disqualified himself for the 2016 race, so what emerged was a rag tag, quixotic, bat crap crazy field of undesirables who despite the obvious, were determined to dream the impossible dream and slay the Barack Obama dragon.  The unfortunate byproduct of the last field of republican candidates is that bat crap crazy is now the norm; When Rand Paul, the Aqua Buddha is considered be one of the front runners, pretty much anything goes.

Amazingly, however, the pundits and political reporter types are perfectly willing to ignore the obvious facts that these people are either crazy, liars, disingenuous, misinformed or all of the above, because, as Chuck Todd infers, if these people are not allowed to lie and dissemble, they won't grant interviews, as if those very interviews, for which the pundits and political reporter types sell their souls to secure, do anything to inform the public, since we've already established, their intent is to lie and dissemble. 

Still more amazing, no matter who emerges as the Clown Prince of the Republican party, in the general election, the media will continue to tell us right up until the final vote tally, that it's neck-and-neck; anybody' race. Why? Because as long as it's neck-and-neck, you'll keep watching the results.  The most dangerous part of this scenario, however, is if the Republican Party keeps putting up rag tag, quixotic, bat crap crazy, undesirable candidates, and the media keeps convincing us that its anybody's race, eventually one of these rejects from the Island of Dr. Moreau could actually end up in the White House.

Send in the clowns; don't bother, there here!